There are days when I wish I were my dog
I'd lie lazily on my pillow and watch myself with pity
As wild hecticness grabs me in the morning
And annoyed by the spectacle, I'd lay back to rest
For I would have two interests
First, sleeping, second, eating
And as for other intellectual pursuits
Digestion would be
The core of my worldview
And the bone around which this world revolves
Would be the sole reason for my meditations
There are days when I wish I were my dog

There are days when I wish I were my dog
And I would have his wedge-shaped nose, then the environment
Would appear to me in a completely new light
And I would categorize it in entirely different ways
Those who walk upright, those who crawl
Those who smell good, those who smell bad
And the types who stink to me, I could then
Tear their pants or skirts
And bite them in the butt
Which I can only do in extreme cases today
Because I know my dental report
There are days when I wish I were my dog

There are days when I wish I were my dog
And then I wouldn't care about visitors, gossip, or affairs
I wouldn't talk myself hoarse
Trying to explain something to some blockheads
Because instead of discussing
I'd lay silently on their lap
And they would inevitably scratch my belly
And if the doorbell rang
I'd go and bark
Happy that I don't have to let anyone in
And I'd say, "I'm sorry, but at the moment
The boss isn't here, and I'm just the dog"

There are days when I wish I were my dog
Because it seems to me that I would have considerable advantages as him
For I would live as I live, fundamentally the same
Though I'd eat under the table, I'd still sleep in my bed
But I'd save a lot, only paying dog tax
Only in one thing am I better off as a human
That's why he might envy me
Because I am the one of us two
Who can open the fridge door alone
And those are moments I enjoy
Because I know, then my dog wishes he were me
Because I know, then my dog wishes he were me

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