I think about myself all day
And can't think about anything else
I surprise myself every day with tiny little gifts
And I don't give a damn about your shitty problems
Talk to the hand, can't you spare me that?

I only help myself
If everyone thinks about themselves, everyone is considered
I only help myself
I can do it, hey, that would be a laugh
Why should I care about the problems of others
There are way too many, hey, where should I start?
I only help myself
If everyone thinks about themselves, everyone is considered

I could help you, but I just don't feel like it
I stand in front of the mirror and blow myself a kiss
And watching porn is out of the question for me
I have my own photo as a masturbation template
Because I'm such a cool guy and I'm so in love with myself
And I don't give a shit about everyone else, just out of principle

I only help myself
If everyone thinks about themselves, everyone is considered
I only help myself
I can do it, hey, that would be a laugh
Why should I care about the problems of others
There are way too many, hey, where should I start?
I only help myself
If everyone thinks about themselves, everyone is considered

If everyone helps everyone, where would we end up?
It's everyone against everyone, you know how people are
I say lower Hartz 4, raise rents
Draw boundaries and elbows out
If you're looking for help, I'll kick you out here
You want my hand, I can gladly give you my fist
A small donation for children in need?
I don't get anything for free man, I'm not stupid
I'm smart, I help those who need it
"Do you help me too?" No, shut your mouth

I only help myself
If everyone thinks about themselves, everyone is considered
I only help myself
I can do it, hey, that would be a laugh
Why should I care about the problems of others
There are way too many, hey, where should I start?
I only help myself
If everyone thinks about themselves, everyone is considered

I think about myself all day
And can't think about anything else
I surprise myself every day with tiny little gifts
And I don't give a damn about your shitty problems
Talk to the hand, can't you spare me that?

I only help myself
If everyone thinks about themselves, everyone is considered
I only help myself
I can do it, hey, that would be a laugh
Why should I care about the problems of others
There are way too many, hey, where should I start?
I only help myself
If everyone thinks about themselves, everyone is considered

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