I was fifteen or sixteen years old
It was the start of high school
You came up to me
You were thin, quite tall
You told me your name
That you had just arrived
That before you lived in the North
Not far from Arras
The name of the city meant nothing to me
I remember you, a faded jacket
A somewhat dirty jeans
Blond hair quite long
At least for a boy

At the sound of the bell
You offered me a Lucky
We stayed a bit
At the gate smoking
I was fine
For once I felt funny
Because you were laughing
Besides, you laughed easily
Hand in front of your mouth
To better hide your teeth
The others called you John
And also the beatnik
Because of your glasses
They were round and small
You didn't care
I was thinking that's it
I finally found an ally

We often went to your place
A council estate
I remember a lake
A few buildings
And guys in tracksuits
Smoking on a bench

At your place, your father spoke little
With him we drank
Beer and rosé
Bought at Lidl
A stone's throw from the apartment
We spent hours
In the all busted blue couch
We shared the headphones
Lou Reed, Sheller, Ferré
Almost nothing recent
Nick Drake of course

The living room smelled strange
Yeast or curry
Very often smells of frying
It was your father who cooked
I remember, he even made his own bread
You lived on the ground floor,
It wasn't very big
It was always dark
Because of the closed curtains
It wasn't a problem
We liked it
And we stayed anyway

Yet with your mother
It wasn't a party
She was always yelling
You told me
It's nothing when you're here
She holds back
Her eyes were strange
Oyster color, snake green
It looked like she was crazy
Always a bit dazed
In fact, when I think about it, she was really nuts
All over her skin she had tattooed
The name and face of Freddie Mercury

When your mother was there
We behaved ourselves
Fortunately, most of the time
She slept in the bedroom
Because she was out all night
At the Pacific Club with friends
You knew well she had no friends
You pretended, we didn't talk about it
Sometimes she was nice
She came to sit on the couch
She was as thin as you
So she stared at me, I didn't like that much
She talked about her youth
Your father listened, he said nothing
He didn't care, I think he didn't care
She always told the same story
The meeting on a train
With a famous singer in the 80s
She could have followed him for good
If my memory serves me right, it was Yves Simon
Sometimes I talked to her
But not for long
A bit like a challenge
Also to be polite
I was careful
Not to speak ill
Of Freddie Mercury

At the end of June, we hardly had any classes
We stayed by the lake drinking beers stolen from your father
I told you about my holidays
Next to Palavas
You told me you know
I've never seen the sea
And I can't swim
Yet Arras wasn't far from the Channel
I had gone to look
You told me exactly
That you were probably going to move
Go back there
That your mother didn't care if you dropped out of school
She wanted you to stay with her
But you, you would give anything to go to university
That was your thing, books, philosophy
Even if it meant finding a small job
You didn't look well
I said nothing, I looked at your forehead
You had a huge bruise

Two days later
Your mother threw a burning coffee maker at your father
It missed your face by a hair
There were shards of glass everywhere
She said your father was pathetic, she should never have had kids
She was going to kill herself, throw herself under a train
She threw a chair out the window, also plates
Dictionaries or encyclopedias, anything she could get her hands on
She scratched your father, on the cheek, on the arm
You found it funny to tell me that
She also said she communicated with him
That she saw his spirit
That he would never have become gay
If he had met her
She was of course talking about Freddie Mercury

The next day, I rang your doorbell
But no one opened for me
Behind the door
Your mother screaming,
And the music blaring
She called me a fag
All of it mixed up
The screams, Bohemian Rapsody
So I left, I crossed the yard
I didn't walk long, to the bus stop
And you caught up with me, don't worry
Come back in two days, when she calms down
You told me that and I'm sure, if you could
You would have cried in my arms

Then, radio silence
At the time we didn't have cell phones
Only a landline, sometimes an answering machine
But that wasn't the case
I called every day
Morning, evening
It rang into the void
Early July, before Palavas
I passed by the building
In front of number 12
The blinds were down
The doorbell didn't work anymore
And on the mailbox
Your name was no longer there

I never saw you again and years later
I still think about you
Your faded jeans, your skinny body
Your laugh, the music we listened to
No trace of you, nowhere
Yet I searched, yes I searched
But wherever you are,
I often think of you,
You're alive like that
You're alive like that
And when I listen to the voice
Of Freddie Mercury
I promise I don't mock, I promise I don't mock

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