Life presents a dismal picture, life is full of tears and gloom,
Father's got an anal stricture, mother's got a fallen womb,
Nurse has chronic menstruation,
Never laughs and never smiles,
What a dismal occupation: cracking ice for father's piles.

Brother Bill has been deported, for a homosexual crime,
Sister Sue has been aborted, for the forty-second time,
Even now the baby's started having epileptic fits,
Everytime it coughs, it vomits, everytime it farts, it shits.

In a small brown paper parcel, wrapped in a mysterious way,
Is an imitation rectum, Grandad uses twice a day,
Yet we are not broken hearted, neither are we up the spout,
Aunty Mabel has just farted, blown her arsehole inside out.