Now the baker's boy to the chandler went
Some oatmeal for to buy
But nobody was there in the shop
No-one he could espy
And just as he was about to leave
Thinking that all was dead
He heard the sound of a CLANG-A-LANG
Right above his head

Ooooooohh

Now the baker's boy was cunning and wise
And he crept up those stairs
And he crept up so silently
He caught them unawares
And there he saw the chandler's lad
Between his mistress' thighs
And they were having a CLANG-A-LANG
Right before his eyes

Ooooooohh

Now the chandler's wife was much distressed
And leaping from the bed
She turned unto the baker's boy
And this is what she said
Oh if you will my secret keep
Just bear this fact in mind
You can always come round for a CLANG-A-LANG
Whenever you feel inclined

Ooooooohh

Now the baker's boy was much amused
At the prospect of such fun
He vowed he'd leap upon the bed
When the chandler's boy was done
And as he got to the shorter strokes
How he kissed that chandler's wife
He vowed he'd have a CLANG-A-LANG
Every day of his life

Ooooooohh

Next Monday morn when he awoke
All over he did shake
His back was sore, his bum was raw
All over he did quake
And when he looked at old John Tom
He saw he'd done the trick
The consequences of his CLANG-A-LANG
Was pimples on his elbow

Ooooooohh

So the baker's boy to the doctor went
Some ointment for to buy
The doctor looked him up and down
And heaved a mighty sigh
My boy, my boy the doctor said
You've been a bloody fool
You'll never more have CLANG-A-LANG
I'm going to cut off your broadband connection

Ooooooohh

So listen to the baker's boy
And heed his tale of woe
An enthusiastic amateur
Is worse than any pro
And if you must a-wooing go
And want to keep your health
Instead of having a CLANG-A-LANG
Stick to do-it-yourself

Ooooooohh