Some people make a fuss when a thing goes wrong
Some people swear and cuss, others sing a song
I don't do either that's all na-poo
When a thing goes wrong with me
This is what I do

I lift up my finger and I say tweet-tweet
hush-hush, now-now, come-come
I don't have to linger when I say tweet-tweet
hush-hush, now-now, come-come
When the wife tells me where I ought to be
Do I sit there feeling glum?
No, I lift up my finger and I say tweet-tweet
hush-hush, now-now, come-come

So if you're in a train full of Manchester United supporters
And you're the only one wearing a Queens Park Ranger's scarf
Or if you're trapped in the lavs by a fellow with nail varnish and eye-shadow
Don't lose your cool, don't be dismayed, just do what I do

I lift up my finger and I say tweet-tweet
hush-hush, now-now, come-come
I don't have to linger when I say tweet-tweet
hush-hush, now-now, come-come
When a girl says "Dear, I'm lost around here"
Do I sit and suck my thumb
No, I lift up my finger and I say tweet-tweet
hush-hush, now-now, come-come

Some people say tut-tut, others say dash-dash
Some call for beef or ... others .. and mash
If in the hotel waiters are slow
Do I thunder what the? who the? why the? how the? no!
I lift up my finger and I say tweet-tweet
hush-hush, now-now, come-come
I don't have to linger when I say tweet-tweet
hush-hush, now-now, come-come
When the cats at night are starting to fight
Do I sit there meek and mum?
No, I lift up my finger and I say tweet-tweet
hush-hush, now-now, come-come
I lift up my finger and I say tweet-tweet
hush-hush, now-now, come-come
I don't have to linger when I say tweet-tweet
hush-hush, now-now, come-come
When the wife tells me where I ought to be
Do I sit there feeling glum?
No, I lift up my finger and I say tweet-tweet
hush-hush, now-now, come-come