Well if you've got something wrong
With the end of your dong
And a pain in your old chap
Send for, send for, send for Dr. Clap

If you're feeling grotty
And your dongler's spotty
That's no great mishap
Send for, send for, send for Dr. Clap

'Cause he's the man who will make you good as new
He's the man who will cure you of your ills
He's the man who will paint your privates blue
With his great big hypodermic and his great big pills

If you've got a throb in the end of your knob
And it dangles like a strap
Send for, send for, send for Dr. Clap

And ladies too, he'll see to you
He won't make you blush
Come along and lie down on his couch
Point your path in his direction
And wait for his injection
You'll only feel a little prick and you won't say "Ouch!"

(And it's on the National Health)

If you've got a failure in your g*nitalia
Don't get in a flap
Send for, send for, send for Dr. Clap
If you've got a pain or a varicose vein
Where it didn't ought to be
Send for, send for, send for Clap M.D.

'Cause he's the man who will make you good as new
He's the man who will cure you of your ills
He's the man who will paint your privates blue
With his great big hypodermic and his great big pills

Well if you've got something wrong with the end of your dong
And a pain in your old chap
Send for, send for, send for Dr. Clap
You've gotta...
Send for, send for, send for Dr. Clap