Har! Har! Now hold hard, me scurvy knaves!
Where be my buccaneers?
On either side of your buckin' ead!
Har! Well, be that as it may, I now calls on Seaman Staines to sing us an old sea-dog's song. Har! Har!

On the good ship Winky Wanky Woo, we are the gallant crew
We've got Sky Plus and beer and pies,
Fat bottom boys to sodomize
All hands on dick! the captain cries
On the good ship Winky Wanky Woo

On the good ship Winky Wanky Woo, the scurvy pervy crew.
We fornicate on distant shores.
We tug the ropes, we pull the oars.
Sorry chum, but I don't think much of yours
On the good ship Winky Wanky Woo

On the good ship Winky Wanky Woo, we shagged a Kangaroo
An albatross and a large Great Dane
And a pirate bold from the Spanish main
Three Essex girls, then the kangaroo again
On the good ship Winky Wanky Woo

On the good ship Winky Wanky woo, we screw what we can screw
There's a Page three photo we've applied
To a nice knot-hole that's about so wide
And the first mate's bending on the other side
On the good ship Winky Wanky woo

On the good ship winky wanky woo, we fart and follow through
We've got no lavs and the old poop deck
Is full of poop up to your neck
and the cabin boy's full of...flippin' heck!
On the good ship Winky Wanky Woo.