Ladies and Gentlemen the moment you've been waiting for
Will you welcome please the Arthur Negus of humour
Mr. Ivor Biggun

Good evening Knebworth, hello
Well I feel so bad you know somebody done bulldozed the whorehouse down
Said I feel so bad you know somebody done bulldozed the whorehouse down
They used to call it the tandoori takeaway
It sold the hottest stuff in town

You know I feel so bad, every single thing is wrong
I feel so bad, every single motherfucking thing is wrong
Cos I got out of bed this morning
And I trod on the end of my dong

I'm a footballer baby and I wear those football boots
Said I'm a footballer baby and I wearing all those football boots
You know I love to stick my centre forward
And I dribble before I shoot

It takes a rocking chair to rock takes a roller coaster to roll
It takes a rocking chair to rock takes a roller coaster to roll
Takes some of those disgusting magazines on the top shelf of the tobacconist
To satisfy my soul

I'm a deep sea diver I touch bottom every single place that I goes
I'm a deep sea diver I touch bottom every single place that I goes
The women go crazy
When I reel out my hose

Well I feel so bad you know somebody done bulldozed the whorehouse down
Said I feel so bad you know somebody done bulldozed the whorehouse down
They used to call it the tandoori takeaway
It sold the hottest stuff in town

It takes a roller coaster to roll, it takes a rocking chair to rock
It takes a roller coaster to roll, it takes a rocking chair to rock
It takes a great big woman with enormous bazoomers
To satisfy my soul

A rich girl wears a brassiere and a poor girl uses string
The rich girl wears a brassiere and a poor girl uses string
But my kind of girl don't use nothing
She just lets the buggers swing

You know I feel so bad you know somebody done bulldozed it down
You know I feel so bad you know somebody done bulldozed the whorehouse down
They used to call it the tandoori takeaway
It sold the hottest stuff in town