Well my name is Ivor Biggun
And they say I've never been kissed
My sex life took one hell of a knock
On the day I broke my wrist
I much prefer hand shandy to the company of lasses
Everybody says that I'll go blind
You'll notice I'm wearing glasses

For my name is Ivor Biggun and
I sing about them tits and them bums
Whoa now you know my name you'd better
Get your gums around my plums

My name is Ivor Biggun
I'm disgusting and obscene
I blow my nose without a hankie
And my fingernails aren't clean
I'm public enema number one
A man of effluence and style
My 'je ne sais quoi' is obvious
'Cause it sticks out a mile

Whoa my name is Ivor Biggun and
I sing about them tits and them bums
Whoa now you know my name you'd better
Get your gums around my plums

Well my name is Ivor Biggun
But some dispute that fact
And they suggest I contravene
The trade descriptions act
But my girl said she's marry me
If I had a twelve inch dong
I said "I'll cut it down to any size luv
If you think that it's too long"

Whoa my name is Ivor Biggun and
I got my mojo workin' well
Well you can press my button
Press my button and ring my bell

Well Ivor Biggun, Ivor Biggun, Ivor Biggun
Ivor Biggun, Ivor Biggun, Ivor Biggun
Ivor Biggun, Ivor Biggun, Ivor Biggun
I'm moderately well endowed
I'm Britain's champion wanker
I'm renowned throughout the land
Everybody knows my name
But nobody wants to shake my hand

Whoa my name is Ivor Biggun and
I sing about them tits and them bums
Whoa now you know my name you'd better
Get your gums... around my plums