"What do you find in men's trousers and on billiard tables?"
"Pockets!"
"Well, that's not the answer I was expecting but gentlemen,
It reminds me of a song..."
"Well sing, you bugger, sing"

A poor old snooker player
Stood with hand on cue
His balls before him
Red, yellow, black and blue
A cruel barman
He sneered and dimmed the light
Please leave those balls alone
You'll play no more tonight

The chalk-stained veteran
He turned with anxious gaze
His game half over
His balls still on the baize
His eyes they filled with tears
His heart with pain
And as they flung him out
He sang this sad refrain

Oh please, oh please don't take my balls away
I used to play with them at least ten times a day
Once they were lovely but now they're old and grey
Oh please don't take my precious balls away

The busty barmaid
An Irish lass named Mabel
Said "Pick up your balls please
Don't leave them on the table
Though I have travelled far
From the Dublin shore
I've never seen such dirty balls before

Oh please, oh please don't take my balls away
I used to play with them at least ten times a day
Once they were lovely but now they're old and grey
Oh please don't take my precious balls away

It's cruel winter
Outside the blizzard squalls
Oh landlord, give me time
To pocket all my balls
The icy wind doth blow
And if I roam
I may not have my balls
When I get home

Oh please, oh please don't take my balls away
I used to play with them at least ten times a day
Once they were lovely but now they're old and grey
Oh please don't take my precious balls away

Next day they found him
The snow lay all around
They searched in vain, too late
His balls could not be found
They laid him by the fire
They watched him thaw
Then through the chilblains
He sang this song once more

Oh please, oh please don't take my balls away
I used to play with them at least ten times a day
Once they were lovely but now they're old and grey
Oh please don't take my precious balls away