Ladies and Gentlemen... Terrific Teddy sings the blues... Tell it like it is Ted
Sing the blues, Ted... Smash it to 'em Ted... go Ted go...

I woke up this morning (that makes a change)
Yes and I believe I shit the bed (ahh I don't know why we fucking bother...)

Whooee here we go... You ain't too old if you ain't too ashamed

Well I feel so bad, somebody done bulldozed the whorehouse down
Well I feel so bad, somebody done bulldozed the whorehouse down
They used to call it the tandoori take-away, it sold the hottest stuff in town

Well there was thirty guinea Winnie, there was twenty guinea Sue
And there was bargain basement Bertha who'd do three for the price of two
There was horizontal Harriet who'd give you change from a quid
And if you were low 'n' lonesome there was luncheon voucher Sid

Well I feel so bad, somebody done bulldozed the...

I used to go there Friday evening and stay 'til Sunday night
Come first thing Monday morning I surely don't feel right
So I go down to the doctor, this is what the doctor say
You've got a nasty little blister, son, that will not go away

Well I feel so bad, somebody done bulldozed the whorehouse down
They used to call it the tandoori take-away, it sold the hottest stuff in town
But they never let a po' boy down...