Popular for those who shop last minute
And for those who really don't get it

Your fruitcake gift has many a use
A few ideas I will introduce

Make speed humps in front of your house
Rewrap it next year
And give it to your spouse

Shape it to a sphere for a bowling ball
Press it flat to make some dry wall

Cut a wedge if you need a door stop
Use it for an anvil out in the shop

Use it as bait when you go fishing
The fish know better
You'll just be wishing

Turn it round to make a baseball bat
Press it on your head
To make a construction hat

Leave it out for Santa this year
He can feed it to his hungry reindeer

There's really only one fruitcake in town
People just keep on passing it around