My name is Ashlee
My favorite color is purple
And I watch way too much television
Like watch entire seasons of baking reality tv shows in a day much television
I believe in wearing leggings as pants
And almost everything I eat ends up somewhere on my clothes
Most days, I am too lazy to fold my clothes, so I let them sit in the basket
I don't watch much sports
But I still don't forgive the Falcons for blowing a 28-3 lead in the Superbowl
I work out 3 days a week
And I am still not comfortable saying that without people looking at me like the liar I used to be
I used to be a liar
Used to tell myself all the things I would do on Monday
Next month
New Year’s Day
But now I believe in todays
I don't understand grape-flavored things
Because they never taste like grapes
I think Coke canceling Sprite Remix is one of the biggest tragedies of my generation
My father died when I was 22 years old
I have finally forgiven God for that
I have survived the type of heartbreak that makes monsters out of men, yet
I chose softness
I chose healing
I chose love
I chose to open my heart again
I have learned to care less about what people think
And learned to walk in my truth
That's the most gangsta shit I'll ever do
A man made a mess of me he couldn't clean up
Then black women and queer folks stepped in to help me finish the job
And if that ain't a metaphor
Then this ain't a poem about courage
A poem about a girl who could have clocked out but didn't
A poem about how life knocked the wind out of me and my village showed up to nurse me back to health
About how much I have lost and lost and lost and got the nerve to still be standing
Dammit I'm magic
I'm also human and flawed
I have let pain do the talking where love should have
I am still forgiving myself for that
I am the person
Who skips a song ever time
But refuses to take it off the playlist
If my life were a playlist
It would start with Stevie Wonder
And end with the Goo Goo Dolls “Iris”
There would be much Justin Timberlake
Sade, Jill Scott
And Cardi B
There would be 3 different versions of Hotel California
And my mother's favorite spiritual
People ask what I do for a living, I say
I am a storyteller
And the one that has become my favorite to tell so far
Is my own