My wife is trying to kill me
When I'm in the shower
And she flushes the toilet
So that cold water runs down my back
I know for sure that she does it on purpose
She mops the floor, but only after I've slipped
She says, "Honey, the hallway is still wet"
Since we've known each other, things have clearly gone downhill
Since we've known each other, she uses the same laundry detergent
I wondered where these rashes come from
I lie awake at night because she snores like a leaf blower
Every day becomes a test of endurance
I take out the organic waste
And cut myself on the tin can
The knives are placed upside down in the dishwasher
And again, blood drips onto the paper towels
I air out the bedroom briefly
Which turned into a week of a cold with over 38 degrees fever
She insists on taking care of me, damn it
The laxative doesn't taste anything like Neocitran

And even if it sounds dumb
I'm sure my wife wants to kill me (kill me)
And you think I'm talking nonsense
Tell me why my wife wants to kill me (kill me, baby)
We were so in love
But now there's a war of roses here
I wonder what will happen next
Because my wife wants to kill me (Oh mon cheri)

Why are you trying to kill me
But maybe it explains why the rooms are dark
At our home, the lights are usually off
Because every time before I take a bath
I unscrew the fuse
I'm sure this isn't all happening by chance
I sit at the table, she has cooked
And wishes me a good appetite
My face swells up, the saliva flows
I've told her a thousand times I have a nut allergy
She tidies up the apartment
My pills disappear
It's really strange to find them in the most unusual places
And even at the lake, when it's nice
There are often days when she lets me sleep and doesn't wake me up
Until I get a sunburn
I think she would love to move the umbrella too
Until I'm as red as the cap of a circus monkey
And she says she will love me until death do us part
I'm slowly afraid that this sentence is really meant that way

And even if it sounds dumb
I'm sure my wife wants to kill me (kill me)
And you think I'm talking nonsense
Tell me why my wife wants to kill me (kill me, baby)
We were so in love
But now there's a war of roses here
I wonder what will happen next
Because my wife wants to kill me (Oh mon cheri)

And even if it sounds dumb
I'm sure my wife wants to kill me (kill me)
And you think I'm talking nonsense
Tell me why my wife wants to kill me (kill me, baby)
We were so in love
But now there's a war of roses here
I wonder what will happen next
Because my wife wants to kill me (Oh mon cheri)

And she says she will love me until death do us part
I'm slowly afraid that this sentence is really meant that way

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