I was sitting there alone when he approached me
Put his arm around without asking quietly
Thought I liked it, being intimate
But he choked me just the first minute
I needed some time alone to replay
After all, it has just been a day
Felt nice in his touch, thought that was enough
We didn't bond but we got attached
My nervous system is in a loop
I don't know how to turn it off
He says "Go with the flow,"
What that means? I never know…
The curse of an over-thinker is
They never stay in the moment
Must control everything by
Putting anxiety into action
'Cause if so, I can
Only focus on myself
Nothing around
Just my palpitations
Breathing does not work
Journaling is worse
Don't know what to do
Tremors long past due
Sit, listen, and feel
You don't need to shed tears
Yet also you can, anytime
If you think it will help
Your safety is your priority
You can leave or stay, it's your call
Don't worry
Don't worry
Don't worry
It'll be OK once you feel secure in your body
I admit it was a magical night
I could hold hands for the first time
Until he made promises, and expected back from me
I confused his feelings with mine
But something felt off on the way going home
Every time I thought, it felt so wrong
Then he talked me into it, repeatedly manipulated
Didn't even react when I noticed
But is it me or is it him?
His anxious and my avoidant
Our attachment styles harmonize
That's why I could not decide
Stuck in the flight mode
But this, should I fight for?
My stomach is nauseous
Sleeps turned into nightmares
I tried too hard
To soothe my heart
Nothing around
I'm glued to the ground
I try not to think
Maybe this is my panic
Or is this my gut
Instincts signaling out?
Sit, listen, and feel
You don't have to go near
If you're not reassured
You can actually take your time
Your safety is your priority
Either leave or stay, it's your call
Don't worry
Don't worry
Don't worry
Whatever you do
Will be right for you, just trust your boundaries
Love-bombing and guilt-tripping
His tactics were a facet
He acted as if
He was so caring
Owed it to hold him in his worst
Just because he held me first
Now I realize
That's not so right
The moment I left
A weight was lifted
Off my shoulders
Oh, there's my answer
Shouldn't doubt myself
Yeah, I have problems
But I know I try
My best every time