If I were the marrying kind,
Which thank the Lord I'm not, sir,
The kind of man that I would wed,
Would be a rugby hooker,

He'd hook balls, I'd hook balls,
We'd both hook balls together,
We'd be alright in the middle of the night
Hooking balls together.

If I were the marrying kind,
Which thank the Lord I'm not, sir,
The kind of man that I would wed,
Would be a rugby second row,

He'd push hard, I'd push hard,
We'd both push hard together,
We'd be alright in the middle of the night
Pushing hard together.

If I were the marrying kind,
Which thank the Lord I'm not, sir,
The kind of man that I would wed,
Would be a rugby lock.

He'd bind tight, I'd bind tight,
We'd both bind tight together,
We'd be alright in the middle of the night
Binding tight together.

If I were the marrying kind,
Which thank the Lord I'm not, sir,
The kind of man that I would wed,
Would be a rugby scrum half.

He'd put it in, I'd put it in,
We'd both put it in together,
We'd be alright in the middle of the night
Putting it in together.

If I were the marrying kind,
Which thank the Lord I'm not, sir,
The kind of man that I would wed,
Would be a rugby stand off.

He'd open up, I'd open up,
We'd both open up together,
We'd be alright in the middle of the night
Opening up together.

If I were the marrying kind,
Which thank the Lord I'm not, sir,
The kind of man that I would wed,
Would be a rugby centre.

He'd go straight, I'd go straight,
We'd both go straight together,
We'd be alright in the middle of the night
Going straight together.

If I were the marrying kind,
Which thank the Lord I'm not, sir,
The kind of man that I would wed,
Would be a rugby wing.

He'd go fast, I'd go fast,
We'd both go fast together,
We'd be alright in the middle of the night
Going fast together.

If I were the marrying kind,
Which thank the Lord I'm not, sir,
The kind of man that I would wed,
Would be a rugby full back.

He'd kick hard, I'd kick hard,
We'd both kick hard together,
We'd be alright in the middle of the night
Kicking hard together.

If I were the marrying kind,
Which thank the Lord I'm not, sir,
The kind of man that I would wed,
Would be a rugby referee.

He'd blow hard, I'd blow hard,
We'd both blow hard together,
We'd be alright in the middle of the night
Blowing hard together.

If I were the marrying kind,
Which thank the Lord I'm not, sir,
The kind of man that I would wed,
Would be a rugby spectator.

He'd come again, I'd come again,
We'd both come again together,
We'd be alright in the middle of the night
Coming again together.