I took her out, it was a Friday night
I wore cologne to get the feeling right
We started making out and she took off my pants
But then I turned on the TV

And that's about the time she walked away from me
Nobody likes you when you're twenty-three
And are still more amused by TV shows
What the fuck is ADD?
My friends say I should act my age
What's my age again?
What's my age again?

Then later on, on the drive home
I called her mom from a payphone
And I said I was the cops and your husband's in jail
The state looks down on sodomy (sodomy)

And that's about the time that bitch hung up on me
Nobody likes you when you're twenty-three
And are still more amused by prank phone calls
What the fuck is call ID?
My friends say I should act my age
What's my age again?
Where's my Asian friend?

It's the slow pretty part

And that's about the time she walked away from me
Nobody likes you when you're twenty-three
And you still act like you're in freshman year
What the fuck is wrong with me?
My friends say I should act my age
What's my age again?

And that's about the time that she broke up with me
No one should take themselves so seriously
With many years ahead to fall in line
Why would you wish that on me?
I never wanna act my age
What's my age again?
Did I lose my Asian friend?

What's my age again?
Where's my Asian friend?

Fuck yeah
Hey Mark, I'm starting to get sweaty and contrary
To what most people think, I think I look better wet
I've been campaigning this for about two years now
So throughout the show, you will see me getting sexier
And sexier as it gets hotter and hotter, you know?
And (and what?)

If you watch close enough, you might watch Tom getting
Fatter and fatter as the show goes on too
Why would I be getting fatter? ('Cause) Boobies

Oh jeez, stop it, no
But you're too young
You're way too young, gosh
Let me tell you why you're gonna get fatter and fatter
Because dog semen is full of calories
Yeah, don't eat dog semen, we hear there's a ha, it's
The number one cause of uh, of bad breath

Hey this song is about when I had too much alcoholic beverages
Got kicked out of high school, wrote a song about it
And here it goes like this
And here it goes

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