I don’t trust my barber
I’m not certain he knows what I want
He’s taking just a lil too much off the front
And that’s not what we discussed
No it’s not

This a new barber
I ain’t ever been to this person before
We don’t have a common jargon
We don’t have a solid rapport

Staying out of town so I found him on yelp
Tryna stay zen
But im feeling like help
I’ve made a huge mistake
(bad Will Arnet)
Getting back to the point-

I’m paranoid my haircut is not going well
Cuz im not recognizing any of this muthafucker’s moves
Haven’t seen “Hair In Between Two Fingers” yet
Where’d this muthafucka go to school?

Not to mention that he’s using, like, big office scissors
I know those aren’t regulation barber clippers
Also why am I strapped to the chair?
Arms AND legs?

I don’t trust my barber
(hmmm)

I’m very very skeptical to say the least
Why’d we have to meet at 2am?
In this empty windowless building?

What’s with all the plastic sheeting?
And why are you stabbing me now?
This is the worst haircut I’ve ever gotten
I’m bleeding and blacking out

I don’t trust my barber
I just woke up locked inside a cage
And my hair is still super uneven
I should complain…

But I don’t wanna bother anybody
(POLITENESS)

This is unpleasant
I’m really disappointed in yelp
This is taking way longer than I expected
Plus I’ve been repeatedly beaten with a belt

In retrospect, I regret not bringing in a picture as a reference
That’s on me and I accept it
Nevertheless I’m starting to suspect that this guy is never gonna finish my haircut

I don’t trust my barber
0 out of 10
Would not recommend

I wonder if I’m ever gonna see my family again
I wanna look good and I also wanna live
I wish I wasn’t chained up next to where I shit
But they say the perfect haircut doesn’t exist
So I’ll take it for what it is-

(OH NO HE’S COMING)