It feels like I've been alone too long
With no girls around my mind was wandering
Thinking of some way to release it
I looked in the kitchen, saw some crisco oil
And that's when my blood started to boil
Oh yeah

Ow, ow, ow! (Uh-oh...)
Ow, ow, ow! (Oh God, what did I just do?!!)

No-one wanted to be with me
Had to make my dream come true
I wanted to hump something
I didn't know what to do
It seemed like a good idea
And no-one else was around
I stuck my weenie in a bottle
And now I can't get it out

I stuck my weenie in a bottle today
Got it jammed up in there all the way
I stuck my weenie in a bottle, oh no
Can't, can't someone come help me out

It's turning purple, all the feeling's gone
Now where did I put that friggin' phone?!!
Dial 9-1-1
Please pick up, I'm in a lot of pain
This was supposed to feel good, now I'm suffering
Oh please answer (Denver 911, what is your emergency?)

Ow, ow, ow! (Hello...?)
Ow, ow, ow! (Sir, what seems to be the problem?)

No-one wanted to be with me
Had to make my dream come true
I wanted to hump something
I didn't know what to do (Go on...)
It seemed like a good idea
And no-one else was around
I stuck my weenie in a bottle
And now I can't get it out

You stuck your weenie in a bottle, oh my
You must be a really lonely guy
You stick your weenie in a bottle, that's a first!
Don't worry sir, we're sending somebody out

(Hey Tam - this guy's got his weenie stuck in a bottle!
No way!
He does!
What a frikkin' loser!

Sir, we're sending somebody out...

*hysterical laughter*

He's in here! Let's break the door down!
Stand back!
Oh my God...!

*more hysterical laughter*)

No-one wanted to be with him
Had to make his dream come true
He wanted to hump something...

I didn't know what to do!

It seemed like a good idea
And no-one else was around
He stuck his weenie in a bottle...

And now I can't get it out!

(Don't worry kid, we're gonna get this thing off you
Ready? PULL! PULL!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!)

Stuck my weenie in a bottle today
Now, now, now I can't get it out