I dated Siamese twins
I slept with Bigfoot, too
Get me on Sally Jesse
Put me on Donahue
'Cause I want to tell the world about it
Right Now

My dog's a narcoleptic
My mom's a circus freak
I gotta get a spot on
Geraldo's show this week
'Cause I want to tell the world about it
Right Now

I'm just an anorexic codependant bingo addict
Stripper born without a chin
And I'm only comfortable talking about it
When the whole wide world is listening in

Talk Soup... Talk Soup
Listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me

My wife ran off with Elvis
My boss shaved off my hair
I've got a thing for poodles
And rubber underwear
And I want to tell the world about it
Right Now

I had a close encounter
I never chew my food
I got eleven nose jobs
I yodel in the nude
And I want to tell the world about it
Right Now

I'm just a cross-dressin' alcoholic neo-Nazi
Porno star, as you may have guessed
And I'm really gonna feel a whole lot better
If you let me get this thing off my chest

Talk Soup... Talk Soup
Listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me

I'm just your average schizophrenic nymphomaniac
Albino go-go dancer, you see
Nothin' so bad that I can't share it
With a billion friends on national TV, whoa...

I have no genitalia
I sold my kids for cheese
I love my blow up doll, so
Bring out those cameras, please
'Cause I want to tell the world about it
Right Now

Talk Soup... Talk Soup
Listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me

Talk Soup... Talk Soup
Listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me

Talk Soup... Talk Soup
Listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me

Talk Soup... Talk Soup
Listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me