What we need in the world today
Is a guide for the married man
Some simple thing that in every way
Would provide for the harried man
Help him not to worry
Assist him to relax
Help him slow his heart rate
And spare him cardiacs

Such a guide would in many ways
Turn the tide for the married man
Enable husbands to fill their days
As only the married can
Every man would praise it
It's such a splendid plan
Someday soon we shall point with pride
To the guide for the married man

By the side of the married man
'Tis the lady who shares his life
You help the bride of the married man
By removing the husband's strife
Every wife who's truthful
Who treasures married bliss
Must keep her husband youthful
What better way than this?

Each and every device we know
Must be tried for the married man
But who can question the debt he'll owe
To the guide for the married man
List things universal
From Pittsburgh to Japan
Every man can be satisfied
By the guide for the married man