Things have come to a pretty pass,
Our romance is growing flat,
For you like this and the other
While I go for this and that.
Goodness knows what the end will be;
Oh, I don't know where I'm at...
It looks as if we two will never be one,
Something must be done.

You say either and I say eyether,
You say neither and I say nyther;
Either, eyether, neither, nyther,
Let's call the whole thing off!
You like potato and I like potatoe,
You like tomato and I like tomatoe;
Potato, potatoe, tomato, tomatoe!
Let's call the whole thing off!

But oh! If we call the whole thing off,
Then we must part.
And oh! If we ever part,
Then that might break my heart!
So, if you like pyjamas and I like pyjahmas,
I'll wear pyjamas and give up pyjahmas.
For we know we need each other,
So we better call the calling off off.
Let's call the whole thing off!
You say laughter and I say lawfter,
You say after and I say awfter;
Laughter, lawfter, after, awfter,
Let's call the whole thing off!

You like vanilla and I like vanella,
You, say s'parilla and I say s'parella;
Vanilla, vanella, chocolate, strawberry!
Let's call the whole thing off!
But oh! If we call the whole thing off,

Then we must part.
And oh! If we ever part,
Then that might break my heart!
So, if you go for oysters and I go for ersters
I'll order oysters and cancel the ersters.
For we know we need each other,
So we better call the calling off off!
Let's call the whole thing off!