One, two

Do you like your turkey roasted or fried
Cranberry sauce in the shape of a can
Somebody go find me some zip ties
We'll hang our new reef on the van
Who thought fruit cake was a good idea
Put a star or an angel on the tree
Come on in y'all were glad to see ya
Cheers to everyone it's Christmas Eve

Who's got the biggest Wienerschnitzel
Mistletoe and tinsel
Maybe there's tamales on your plate
Happy holidays to everyone
It don't matter where you're from
Santa Claus will soon be on his way
Happy holidays to everyone
It don't matter where you're from
Santa Claus will soon be on his way

The kids are watching Rudolph on the TV (Be quiet)
Listening for reindeer on the roof (Oh I see him)
cunt Sue is in the kitchen getting tipsy
Whipping up bourbon balls with 90 proof
Grandma sucking down Virginia Slims
Fido's drinking water from the tree (Get outta there)
Uncle Ernie's done lost his teeth again
But there's no place on Earth I'd rather be (Nope)

Who's got the biggest Wienerschnitzel
Mistletoe and tinsel
Maybe there's tamales on your plate
Happy holidays to everyone
It don't matter where you're from
Santa Claus will soon be on his way
Happy holidays to everyone
It don't matter where you're from
Santa Claus will soon be on his way
Uh huh

Who's got the biggest Wienerschnitzel
Mistletoe and tinsel
Maybe there's tamales on your plate
Happy holidays to everyone
It don't matter where you're from
Santa Claus will soon be on his way
Happy holidays to everyone
It don't matter where you're from
Santa Claus will soon be on his way
Happy holidays to everyone
It don't matter where you're from
Santa Claus will soon be on his way
Spit out that dip and whistle