When I was eight years old I loved to play with soldiers
Mother said, don't son it's not nice
Then when I turned ten I discovered skateboards
The soldiers took a back seat for the ride
Then adolescence came and suddenly I changed
And I discovered girls were much more fun
Woh
Then I couldn't wait 'til I turned 17
So I could buy a car and join the scene
And everything went so fast it was late December
Another year gone another passed
And for my twenty first I had a mighty thirst
Some friends came 'round I thought it would be fun
Yeah we all got smashed and one of my friends crashed
His funeral was on June 21
Then at 24 four I went lookin' for some answers
Mother said, you can't change what can't be changed
And eight years further on all the answers were the same
Acceptance sort of came to ease the pain
So I was just a man in a sardine can
Who'd like to settle down and start a life
And she was 29 and runnin' out of time
A voice said I pronounce you man and wife
Then at 45 it seems I hit the big time
Distinguished and respected in my field
The hours were so long they said, you should not be alone
Someone to fix a drink and bring a meal
But she was half my age and straight out of a page
Of Playboy magazine I dropped my jaw
And the vodka's were so strong and her legs were so long
I had to have her right there on the floor
Woh…
So the wife found out and she moved out to northern New South Wales
The place we always said we'd move together
Now the single bars and takeaways have shown to me a loser
Because of this god-dammed horse I couldn't tether
And don't think you're immune, for it could happen soon
Then you'll find out how weak or strong you are
I know it sounds absurd, but what you have just heard
Is the incredible story of Joe Bloggs so far
The incredible story of Joe Bloggs so far
Yes the incredible story of Joe Bloggs, so far