Putin puttin' his pants on
One leg at a time
You mean he's just like a regular fella, huh?
He ain't nothing like a regular fella

Putin puttin' his hat on
Hat size number nine
"You sayin' Putin's gettin' big headed?"
Putin's head's just fine

He can drive his giant tractor
Across the Trans-Siberian plain
He can power a nuclear reactor
With the left side of his brain
And when he takes his shirt off
He drives the ladies crazy
When he takes his shirt off
Makes me wanna be a lady
It's the Putin Girls!

Putin if you put it when you put it where you put it
Putin if you put it will you put it next to me?
Putin if you put it when you put it where you put it
Putin if you put it will you put it next to me?

Now Putin hates the Putin girls
'Cause he hates vulgarity
And he loves his mother country
And he loves his family

He and his ex-wife Lyudmila
Are riding along the shore of the beautiful new Russian Black Sea
Let's listen in, a great man is speaking

We fought a war for this?
I'm almost ashamed
The Mediterranean
Now there's a resort worth fighting for
If only the Greeks or the Turks
Would start to sniff around
I'd bring the hammer down
So quick their woolly heads would spin
Woolly head, woolly head, woolly head

Or, wait a minute
Even better
What if the Kurds got in the way?
Hey! Kurds and way, curds and whey!

Sometimes a people is greater than their leader
Germany, Kentucky, and France
Sometimes a leader towers over his country
One shot at glory, they don't get a second chance
I dragged these peasants kicking and screaming
Into the 21st century
I thought they'd make it
I must have been dreaming
These chicken farmers and file clerks gonna be the death of me

I can't do it
Sure, you can
I can't do it
Yeah, you can
What makes you say that girls?
Tell you why, 'cause you're the Putin man
Who whipped Napoleon?
We did!
Who won World War II?
The Americans!
That's a good one ladies
It's our turn to sit in the comfy chair
And you're the man gonna get us there!

I don't know, Lenin couldn't do it
I don't know, Stalin couldn't do it
Now they couldn't do it
Why you think I can?
You're gonna lead our people to the Promised Land
You're right, 'cause, Goddamn, I'm the Putin Man