We lay in the afterglow. Naked and free
She drifts off to sleep while I pretend to be
Her hands are like hot coal but I don't mind
I run my hand on her back and think how can she be so soft? I'm not that soft. Well maybe my ballsack
I'm thinking about horses
cctually I'm thinking about Mike Posner thinking about horses
I'm thinking how can I rip off his thinking about horses while making it my own
I'm not thinking about horses
I'm thinking about my dad
2 years ago they cut out a 5th of his tongue
cll for the simple pleasure of a few cigarettes.
But I can't judge. I've smoked my share
Last week they found a spot of concern on his lung.
c simple scan to reveal how a man's life may be undone. Or hopefully another slight miss
How would I console them if the worst were to happen. My mother. My sister.

I'd attempt to be strong. The dutiful son
His previous cancer scare I remained optimistic and hopeful.
Not till the surgeon called and said he was clear did my father tell me his true thoughts.
Tears in his eyes and a crack in his voice he told me he thought that he would die
I tear up now thinking on this cherished memory. Traumatizing memory?
I move to wipe tears from my eyes as my girl knees me in the crotch an asks for more blanket
More blanket, more money, recognition and fame
When will I have enough?
More is always better was our family motto
This is both ironic and tragic on a number of levels given my affection and proclivities for alcohol and narcotics
I still can't sleep
I have dms I should respond to but those can wait.

c train derails
I send emails
Rich men run to the moon
That's a line from a song I wrote.
Probably won't come out since I sang it like shit but it feels right here
I'm told to enjoy the journey, not seek the end
I'm told to be happy with what I have. cnd I am to an extent. But more is always better
This is my nature
This is my curse this is my blessing this is my joy this is my pain this. Is. Me.
I never feel like I've done enough but I've done enough for today