This music is my fucking journal cause I lost my pen
And plus the paper won't fit half of what I haven't said
Was too much time spent inside my head like once again
It seems like every no and then I'm falling deeper in this den
But fuck it you really wanna know my life
If you're my dog I'll take you on a walk inside my mind
Go be a therapist instead saying kid you'll be fine
See where all this lies just don't blink when you're in a day inside my eyes

I'm graduating high school without a plan b
I'm having doubts about the perks music will hand me
I'm glad I'm done school cause no one understands me
But fuck it they didn't have to I was someone others can't see
Still haven't opened up to my family
All my fucking vents are closed up so there;s no air to breathe
I wouldn't wanna know their reactions I guess that's fair to me
And it's been embarrassing I gotta hide it cause they'll be scared to see

I wanna leave this place but I'm too scared to go away
All this homesickness and anxiety lives in my brain
Already isolated as fuck so what will I gain
And what friends will I make except my demons and all my mistakes
Never been good at making or keeping friends shit that's my fault
But blame the social anxiety keeping me in a wall
Every time I get back up I always fucking fall
There's no one to help e up and there;s no one who I can call

You don't gotta tell me mom I know I'm your fucking problem
Don't wanna stress you out that;s why I never said I got them
Writing lyrics is how I jot them blasting music is how I stop them
Whenever I'm in a bad mood I put my airpods in just to block them
And when you yell at me I try to drown it out
I know I'm guilty it's my fault and you just found it out
Obsessively washing my hands won't wash the pain away
I thought this shit would change today tell me again I doubt it now

I'm 18 still a virgin never found some love
Never had a true girlfriend hope I;m not the only one
I guess they know that I;m pathetic and pretentious
There'es no point to have them guessing I just know they think I'm fucking dumb
And I'm no fucking fun
Every conversations dry I'd cry a river so it fucking runs
Keep the conversations going forward someday I'll just find some
Girl who know's what it's like to be fucking numb

The only person I truly hate is my fucking self
I'll always be a failure at life and everything else
Sometimes I live in awe and then I wanna end it all
But I won't be forgiven and I'm scared where god will send me off
Do I belong in Heaven the answer is no I'm guessing
Think I need to start confessing what's the plot and where the fuck I'm heading
And as you close your eyelids I hope you're realizing
That I'm not living life I'm just tryna survive it