I'm getting a tattoo next week and it's gonna say strength, honor, love, and respect
I don't talk politics, but the government's using 5G to cause natural disasters
Kim is my favorite Kardashian
OMG this coffee's giving me life
Have you ever tried sunshine to fix all your mental health issues?
I put avocado on everything!
I would give anything to get you out of my face
Because I don't give a shit about anything you say
My eye starts twitching every time you start to speak
It's been three seconds but it feels like it's been weeks
You're just as interesting as an old used paper cup
Hey buddy, you're in luck
'Cause I'll pay you to shut the fuck up
Dinosaurs never existed because if they did they would be here today
Humans are the only intelligent life in the universe
God didn't make aliens
I can prove the Earth is flat
My spirit animal's a dolphin
Have I mentioned that coffee is bae?
You should really eat organic, it's not that expensive
Did you know that avocado is a superfood?!
This conversation's lasted forever and a day
It's got me wondering how electricity tastes
My eye starts twitching every time you start to speak
It's been three seconds but it feels like it's been weeks
You're just as interesting as an old used paper cup
I'll empty out my bank account
To get you to shut the fuck up
My day was going great
Then you opened your mouth
I can't begin to comprehend what's coming out
Are you some weird experiment that just went wrong?
Shut up and take my money and move the fuck along
"You know kale is greener than other vegetables because it's better for you?"
Ugh, oh my God
"Did you know that a jiffy is like one-trillionth of a second?"
I don't fuckin' care about any of that
"You can't hunt camels in Arizona it's against the law look it up"
Nobody said anything about fucking camels
"Don't tell anybody I told you this, but birds is really spies for the government"
What are you…what?
"If I work more than five hours I get really tired"
Oh my God, shut up
"How many guns you think I can bring into Walmart?"
I don't know like, one?
"Did you know if you turn your windows background color to red it goes faster?"
Fucking what?
"George Clooney was the best Batman"
Oh God you're high
My eye starts twitching every time you start to speak
It's been three seconds but it feels like it's been weeks
You're just as interesting as an old used paper cup
I'll give you everything I own
If for the love of all that is holy
You'll shut the fuck up