First thing, let me establish
Don't expect a reliable narration
I'll do the best I can
So sit back and listen
Guess I'll start from the beginning

Let me tell you about Francis
Wife and kids a crippling burden
He fell for a dancer
He met at the strip joint
From here, the situation worsens

(Chorus)
Somebody give him something for the pain
Of six-inch heels embedded in his brain
Give him morphine, give him benzedrine
It's slowly driving him insane, give him anything
Just give him something

Screaming guilty conscience
Incapable of being inconspicuous
His wife is suspicious of half-baked excuses
She drives downtown to see what's up

(Chorus)
Somebody give him something for the pain
Of six-inch heels embedded in his brain
Give him morphine, give him benzedrine
It's slowly driving him insane, give him anything
Just give him something

Francis missed out on his favorite
He gets home early from the club
He stumbles for the light, something doesn't feel right
His wife's in bed with his true love

(Chorus)
Somebody give him something for the pain
Of six-inch heels embedded in his brain
Give him morphine, give him benzedrine
It's slowly driving him insane, give him anything
Just give him something