I have a sad story to tell you
It may hurt your feelings a bit
Last night when I walked into my bathroom
I stepped in a big pile of...

[Chorus:]
Shaving cream, be nice and clean
Shave everyday and you'll always look keen

I think I'll break off with my girlfriend
Her antics are queer I'll admit
Each time I say, "Darling, I love you"
She tells me that I'm full of...

[Chorus]

Our baby fell out of the window
You'd think that her head would be split
But good luck was with her that morning
She fell in a barrel of...

[Chorus]

An old lady died in a bathtub
She died from a terrible fit
In order to fulfill her wishes
She was buried in six feet of...

[Chorus]

When I was in France with the army
One day I looked into my kit
I thought I would find me a sandwich
But the darn thing was loaded with...

[Chorus]

And now, folks, my story is ended
I think it is time I should quit
If any of you feel offended
Stick your head in a barrel of...