Hi, Melissa?
Oh, wow, Barbra Streisand
Streisand, like "sand on the beach," soft S
Right, sorry
What are you doing here?
I'm here to see the director, he cast me as the lead in his new movie
He cast me as the lead in his new movie
That's impossible
Yeah? Well, we'll see
Really?

Any part you can play, I can play better
I can play any part better than you
No, you can't
Yes, I can
No, you can't
Yes, I can
No, you can't
Yes, I can
Yes, I can!

Any laugh you can get, I can get bigger
I can get any laugh as big as you
With one look, with a glance
'Til they cry, wet their pants
'Til they roll, 'til they're sore
I'll get more

Oh, I can belt a D flat, and I'll never be flat
I don't have to warm up, I can act a storm up
I can do a concert tour
With hip-hop and rap?
Well, after a nap!

Okay, you got me there
Are you related to Matthew?
No, that's McConaughey
What about Paul?
That's McCartney!
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm sorry

Any house you can build, I can build better
I can build any home grander than yours
With great taste? With ten Johns
With restraint? Lots of bronze
With a moat and a wall
With a mall?
A mall?

In any comedy, I can be crasser
I can be cruder and crasser than you
With a belch? With a burp
With a shrug? With a slug
You're too clean
Well, I'm just not obscene

You're a dirty talker
You played mother Focker
Bridesmaid's a keeper
Prince's Eyes a weeper
We agree on quite a lot
Hey, let's make amends!
Yeah, we should be friends!

What do you call a man who's lost all his intelligence?
I don't know, what?
A widower
Ah!

Anything men can do, we can do better
Anything men can do, we can do too
Steal a scene, stop the show
Fill the seats as our own
Have a child with a man
Yes, we can!

We were underrated, teased and deprecated
But we sent 'em reeling through the glass ceiling
There is nothing we can't do
Well, can you bake a pie? No
Well, neither can I

You know, anything I can do, we can do better
We can do anything better as two
Make chick-flicks
Buddy picks
As a team, we're a dream
You're the bomb (huh?)
You'll be great (really?)
As my mom

Your mom, don't you mean sister?
Okay, why did you say a thing like that? God, touchy
Well, I mean, do you have to
Fine
On your fan, yes we can, yes we can
Yes we can!

Hah! Can I call you Babs now?
No, too soon