Well, I've been around for a long time
And I learned along the way
If you wanna go on the radio
There are words you just can't say
Now I thought hard about it
And I found a way around it

Help me go on the radio
You gotta say the words I can't
You got to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't
Come on, ma'am! Won't you gimme a hand
And say those words I can't?
You got to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't

Down in Carolina i met a girl with a nice
So I reached down between us
And I whipped out my
We skipped right past the sucking
And got right down to
She turned and said "I gotta ask
Will you slip it into my"

Help me go on the radio
You gotta say the words I can't
You got to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't
Come on, ma'am! Won't you gimme a hand
And say those words I can't?
You got to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't

Her husband was a trucker
He was a filthy mother
I didn't want to wrassle
With this no good stinkin'
I heard him come through the kitchen door
But I was banging his filthy
I knew I'd end up in a ditch
If he caught me riding his

Help me go on the radio
You gotta say the words I can't
You got to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't
Come on, ma'am! Won't you gimme a hand
And say those words I can't?
You got to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't

"Mercy, please!" I told him
But he grabbed me by the
And he did something heinous he exposed his
I said "I don't mean to seem crass
But why are you buttering up your"
He said "My wife's a beard
And she lured you here
Because I'm queer and I love it in the"

Help me go on the radio
You gotta say the words I can't
You got to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't
Come on, ma'am! Won't you gimme a hand
And say those words I can't?
You got to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't
You helped me go on the radio
By saying those words I can't
You had to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't!
Sir and ma'am, thanks for lending a hand
By saying those words I can't!
You had to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song, the filthiest song
The dirtiest song that ain't!