Once, there was this kid who
Took a trip to Singapore and brought along his spray paint
And when he finally came back
He had cane marks all over his bottom
He said that it was from when
The warden whacked it so hard

Mm mm mm mm, mm mm mm mm, ah

Once there was this girl who
Swore that one day she would be a figure skating champion
And when she finally made it
She saw some other girl who was better
And so she hired some guy to
Club her in the kneecap

Mm mm mm, mm mm mm mm
Ah, mm mm mm mm, mm mm mm mm

They got paid for their sound bites
And sold their TV movie rights

And then, there was this guy who
Made his wife so mad one night that she cut off his wiener
And when he finally came to
He found that Mr. Happy was missing
He couldn't quite explain it
It'd always just been there

Mm mm mm mm, mm mm mm mm
Mm mm mm mm, mm mm mm mm

Ah ah (There) ah ah (Were)
Ah ah (There) ah ah (Is)
Ah ah (There) ah ah (Were)
Ah ah (There) ah ah (Is)

Ah ah (There) ah ah (Were)
Ah ah (There) ah ah (Is)
Ah ah (There) ah ah (Were)
Ah ah (There) ah ah (Is)

(There were, there is)
(There were, there is)