Every past date I see
I think back to what we were doing together
Just the simple fact that we were together
That I believed I was happy
That maybe I was beginning to finally hope you were starting to trust me
I’m looking at a picture from 5 months ago
Did you hold me that day?
Did you think I was beautiful?
Did you tell me I was beautiful?
Did we tell each other we loved one another dearly?
Could I have been recovering from the things you said to me in a moment of anger?
Did I “make it about myself” for crying
because the person I loved chose such poisonous words?
I can’t even remember much of February now
Only that it was cold, and rainy, and I was so alone
But I was happy...
because I had you
And every word you said to me
it made me feel so warm
even the cruelest ones.

I gave my soul to you
When did you stop looking at me
Like you used to?
I’m so sick of putting out fires
I sold my dreams for you
I beat myself up for never noticing sooner
I made myself small so you could shine once in your life
If I’d just loved myself would this have happened to me?
Any love I gave you is yours to keep

I can’t remember the last time I felt genuinely loved by you
but I do remember my love for you...
I wish I could love myself even half as much as that
I’m not sure when that day will come...
I hope it does come