I've met someone that makes me feel seasick
Oh, what a skill to have, oh, what a skill to have
So, many skills that make her distinctive
But they're not mine to have, no, they're not mine

Whenever she looks I read the nearest paper
No, I don't care about the soaps
No, I don't care about the soaps
Though I'm acting like I'm in an EastEnders episode

If this is a rom-com
Kill the director
If this is a rom-com
Kill the director, please

Carrots help us see much better in the dark
Don't talk to girls, they'll break your heart
And this is my head and this is my spout
They work together, they can't figure anything out

So, with the angst of a teenage band
Here's another song about a gender I'll never understand
Here's another song about a gender I'll never understand

If this is a rom-com
Kill the director
If this is a rom-com
Kill the director

If this is a rom-com
Kill the director, please

This is no Bridget Jones
This is no Bridget, Bridget
This is no Bridget Jones
This is no Bridget, Bridget

This is no Bridget Jones
This is no Bridget, Bridget
This is no Bridget Jones
This is no Bridget, Bridget

This is no Bridget Jones
This is no Bridget, Bridget
This is no Bridget Jones
This is no Bridget, Bridget

This is no Bridget Jones
This is no Bridget, Bridget Jones