My ex best friend joined a cult
she turned into a pillar of salt
in the California desert sun
people here never age they get younger everyday
and melt away like acid on a tongue
shaking hands with someone's dad who's sleeping with an undergrad
knowing that it probably turned him on
walking on the walk of fame
stepping on the famous names
waiting for my chance to get walked on

If you can't be happy here
you won't be happy anywhere
the road is gold and the weather's gorgeous
there's no place like California

Forest lawn cemetery I know where the stars are buried
you won't see too many in the sky
but you'll find them eating goat cheese salad at marmalade in Calabasas
someday soon they'll look me in the eye
my best friend died and saw the light and when they brought her back to life I asked her if she saw the other side
she said yeah it was a peaceful place
heaven is real and hell is fake but no one compares to the city of angels

If you can't be happy here
you won't be happy anywhere
the road is gold and the weather's gorgeous
there's no place like California

If you can't be happy here
you won't be happy anywhere
we're acting like we can afford it but we're all broke in California

If you can't be happy here
you won't be happy anywhere
the road is gold and the weather's gorgeous
there's no place like California