Every day I water, every day I sow,
But you little green monsters just refuse to grow.
I sing to you softly, I yell and I shout,
Why don't you grow up, you bastards? I'm about to give out.

Why don't you grow up, you bastards?
I'm losing my mind.
I've tried everything I can, but you're wasting my time.
Sunshine and water, fertilizer too,
Why don't you grow up, you bastards? I'm begging you!

I've got my neighbors laughing, they think I'm insane,
Talking to my garden in the pouring rain.
I've got a green thumb, or so I thought,
But these little green devils just laugh at my plot.

Why don't you grow up, you bastards?
I'm losing my mind.
I've tried everything I can, but you're wasting my time.
Sunshine and water, fertilizer too,
Why don't you grow up, you bastards? I'm begging you!

Maybe it's the soil, or maybe it's the seed,
Or maybe these plants just don't like me indeed.
I've tried all the tricks, and I've spent all my cash,
Why don't you grow up, you bastards? This is my last bash.

Why don't you grow up, you bastards?
I'm losing my mind.
I've tried everything I can, but you're wasting my time.
Sunshine and water, fertilizer too,
Why don't you grow up, you bastards? I'm begging you!

Why don't you grow up, you bastards? I'm down on my knees.
I've given you my all, now won't you please?