What the hell are musicals?
It appears to be a play where the dialogue stops
And the plot is conveyed through song
Through song?
Yes
Wait, so an actor is saying his lines
And then, out of nowhere, he just starts singing?
Yes
Well, that is the

Stupidest thing that I have ever heard
You're doing a play, got something to say
So you sing it?
It's absurd

Who on earth is going to sit there
While an actor breaks into song?
What possible thought could the audience think
Other than, "This is horribly wrong"?

Remarkably? They won't think that
Seriously? Why not?

Because it's a musical
A musical
And nothing's as amazing as a musical
With song and dance
And sweet romance
And happy endings happening by happenstance

Bright lights, stage fights, and a dazzling chorus
You wanna be great?
Then you gotta create a musical

I don't know
I find it hard to believe people would actually pay to see something like this
Let's just say it's a Saturday night
And you wanna go out on the town
Got a lady to flatter who might give it up if you don't let her down
You could go see a tragedy
But that wouldn't be very fun
Or a play from Greek mythology
See a mother have sex with her son (eugh)
You could see a drama
With all of the trauma and pain
Or go see something more relaxing and less taxing on the brain

Go see a musical
A musical
A puppy piece, releasing all your blues-icals
Where crooners croon (ah)
A catchy tune
And limber leggy ladies thrill you 'til you swoon
Oohs, ahhs, big applause, and a standing ovation
The future is bright
If you could just write a musical

Some make you happy
Some make you sad
Some are quite big
Some quite small
Some are too long
Some are just plays with song (oh)
Some musicals have no talking at all

No talking at all?
That's right
There's no talking
All of the dialogue is sung
In a very dramatic fashion
Uhm, really?
Yes, really
There's no talking
There's no talking
And they often stay on one note for a very long time
So when they change to a different note, you notice
And it's supposed to create a dramatic effect
But mostly you just sit there asking yourself
"Why aren't they talking?"

Sounds miserable
I believe it's pronounced Misérable
And people actually like this?
No, they love it, and what's not to love?
It's such a delight
There's nothing quite like a musical

Oh, another vision, I haven't even told you the best part yet
Feel that fascinating rhythm moving to your feet
Whoa, whoa (um, what is that?)
Feel your ass gyrating to that titillating beat (whoa, are you okay?)
You slap your lap
Then fingers snap
That's when you know it's time to tap, oh

What the hell are you doing now?
It's called a dance break
Apparently this happens in musicals as well
People on stage just burst into spontaneous dance
Why? Does it advance the plot? (No)
Advance character? (Not necessarily)
Then why do it?
Because it's entertaining! Five, six, seven, eight!

Another vision
It's a musical
Whaddya talk, whaddya talk
It's a musical
A Suessical?
No, a musical with girls on stage
A musical
We've got snappy repartees
And the women are risqué
And the chorus boys are kind of gay
A musical
A true, blue, new musical

Stand back, it's a musical
Some musicals are very serious
A big, glittering musical
A musical
It's a musical for us
A big and shiny
Mighty fine-y, glitter, glitz, and chorus line-y
Bob your head and shake your hiney musical
It's a musical (it's a musical)
It is a musical (it's a musical)
Yes, I get it now

We'll do a musical (no kidding)
A musical
What could be more amazing than a musical?
With song and dance
And sweet romance
And with a musical we might have half a chance
Oohs, ahhs, big applause, with everyone cheering for us
And for some unexplainable reason
The crowd goes wild every time
When dancers kick in unison in one big wonderful line

And then you got yourself a musical
A musical
A la, la, la, la, la, la, la palooza-sical
With splashy style and a big fake smile
A snazzy pants, some jazzy hands, I swear that I'll
Cross my heart, hope to die if it isn't a doozy
Take it from me
They'll be flocking to see
Your star lit
Won't quit
Big hit
Musical
A big hit musical