I bet you've got something underneath
That purple mask of lies, Barney
There's something about the way
You portray yourself, Mister Gand-ay
I saw Kermit yesterday
Told him not to come near me
Cause the kids on Sesame Street don't know
But Elmo's World is a conspiracy

I think Moby's got a screw loose
Or Tim's got some ulterior motive
I'll bet you anything he's secretly a goose
But he's just too afraid to show it
Maybe BrainPop should BrainStop
Feeding me all these lies
I've already watched history
I know that JFK dies

(Maybe) Mister Rodgers only wears red
To cover up all the blood, or
Bob Ross is a mob boss
Who runs the College Board

Yes a crook is Richard Nixon
But he hides something more wack
Tricky Dick has been mixing
Every track for Nickelback

Everybody that we see
Everybody that we know
Hides beneath civility
Underneath the undertow
The right and wrong and short and long
The Marios and Donkey Kongs
Everybody everywhere
Everybody sing along
Everybody is a prick
Even elderly and sick
Yes, it's no dirge, but I encourage:
In the universe, the multiverse, the stars and beyond
Every fish craves another lying near in the pond
And I wonder if it's true you don't have to shop for tools
If y'all are really socket wrenches being thrown in the gene pool
The spacetime continuum; the fabric of being
From Ming and Qing to Benito Mussolini
Through the fallacies, bureaucracies, and in reality
Everybody is a prick, it's true, except me