On the horizon of this forest path
You see a group of dark cloaked figures slowly trudging towards you
What do you do?
(My half-orc barbarian braces her great hammer and that's a one)
(Critical fail, Steve, what do you do?)
Well, I believe in anticipation
My rogue would try and hide behind a tree- okay, I rolled a one
(That's another critical fail)
(Tom, what does your human bard do?)
(Active perception check)
That's a natural twenty, let's fucking go

I feel it in my fingers
I feel it in my toes
These motherfuckers mean to harm us
And they got to go
So come on, get 'em now
You picked the wrong day to fuck around with my
Tight crew, oh-oh
There's no escaping it
I can perceive you
Here's what we're gonna do
Me and ma boys gonna mess you up

I rolled a one
I rolled a one

Fuck
My boys are otherwise engaged
So I'm gonna bring it all myself

(Hey, I forgot, you're supposed to tell me what I see, right?)
Yes, thank you, Let's just slow it all down a bit
So, you notice that one of the hooded figures is a little shorter-
(I cast Vicious Mockery, nat twenty, let's go)

You're a short motherfucker and nobody likes you (short)
Everybody says "Look how fucking short that guy is"
And that stops you from forming meaningful relationships
When you were born, everybody thought that you were just a head
But then the doctor said
"Wait, this stupid muthafuckin' tiny, short ass baby
Got a tiny, little itty bitty body and I hate it"

Your attack lands and absolutely shatters the mind of the cloaked figure
Perception check, please
(Nat twenty, let's go)
You perceive the figure was so short because it was a child
(It's always a kid)
(Specifically the child you've been looking for for the last fifteen days)
(Game time and five days of our actual lives)
Okay, I'm sorry, I didn't know, I'll be better
(His body's just lying there, right? Right?)
Yes? Don't-

Loot that body
Gotta loot that body now
Loot that body
Gotta loot that motherfucker
Play my flute when I loot that dead kid's body
Bitch

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