It’s too early to celebrate Christmas
Christmas is still three weeks away
We hate to see your to-do list is
Crammed with plans for the holiday

It’s too early to celebrate Christmas
Please exert some self-control
When you start too early and become breathless
You invite madness into your soul

Put away fruitcakes and toy trains and huge inflatable candy canes,
Also the pear tree with the bird
Hold off on the festive cheese logs, sexy elves, or heavily spiked eggnogs
Until at least the twenty-third

Trying to buy the frankincense, but there’s more incidents of road rage
In the parking lot down by the mall
It hasn’t even snowed, and it’s too soon for sensory overload,
So just sit back and watch the evening fall

It’s too early to celebrate Christmas
It’s too late to stop the onslaught of cheer
Don’t make the day about retail business
You make yourself seem insincere

When the swearing and uncaring become grossly overbearing
And you’re tearing at your hair while trimming trees
Someone pass some laws to cause your neighbor’s robot Santa Claus
To pause, then you can unclench your jaw and breathe

It’s too early to celebrate Christmas
Christmas is not some kind of test
It’s too early to celebrate Christmas
For Christ’s sake, give it a rest