Everybody came to nobody's wedding
Everybody knew it was bound to be a hoot
What can you do when nothing else is cooking
Make your own amusement, bring a pile of loot

There was Alice the butcher, Tidy and Gunn
Who couldn't see where they were heading
It was sixteen days and sixteen nights,
And it weren't even nobody's wedding

What a great reception, all the people cried
Who stole the groom and who stole the bride
How did the countess slide underneath the door
Why is the wild boy chopping up the floor?

There was Alice the butcher, Tidy and Gunn
Who couldn't see where they were heading
It was sixteen days and sixteen nights,
And it weren't even nobody's wedding

I didn't hear the sound of the tin cans rattle
I didn't hear a teardrop, I didn't hear a prattle
Didn't hear the words of the bible being read
When it's nobody's wedding, nobody's wed

There was Alice the butcher, Tidy and Gunn
Who couldn't see where they were heading
It was sixteen days and sixteen nights,
And it weren't even nobody's wedding