If some of my friends could be monkeys
They would have four hands and understand me
If some of my friends could be monkeys
They would have four hands and understand me

I wish my girlfriend was a monkey
With her four hands she would grab me at night
I would have her on a leash, climbing up the trees
And she could steal a lot of things for me
I'd show her to some kids at night
And they would pet her head
To make her feel fine

If some of my friends could be monkeys
They would have four hands and understand me
If some of my friends could be monkeys
They would have four hands and understand me

My best friend used to be a monkey
Now he's a neanderthal
He makes $4.50 an hour at the local mall
And I feel bad for him
Because we used to be best friend
And he's gotta wear that stupid hat
And it fucks with his pride
It fucks with his pride

If some of my friends could be monkeys
They would have four hands and understand me
If some of my friends could be monkeys
They would have four hands and understand me

Monkey brain soup at a monkey brain party
Monkey man suit at a monkey man party
They're just like us but a little bit feeble
They're just like us but a little bit fecal
Monkeys are wild and monkeys are sweet
And they'll make a good petname
For someone you love

If some of my friends could be monkeys
They would have four hands and understand me
If some of my friends could be monkeys
They would have four hands and understand me