I was born to be real
Everyday
Nowadays
I don't know what to feel
Year ago some couple prays
Could bring me back to real life
Now i'm not sure if i am still alive
None of known cures helping me, alright?
My pubes not my main problem right now, huh
Maybe i'm
Sad
Dark
Alone
Scared
Hopeless
Don't know what's goin on
I felt okay just a year ago
Felt like i was going with the flow
River called "life"
Brang me to the ocean "real life" bro
To be honest
I was so ambitious with my future life, tho'
Made a couple mistakes
And some shitfakes
Coming to life
Go
Away
Far far away with your motherfucking fake lifestyle
I really wanna cry
But i can't
So Im just overthinking my life
I did a lot of research
So much i could do
Listened to some shit
And watched some absurd fake news
Talked to all the people I know
They don't even know my name
Just "hi, folk"
They smoke
But swearing that there will be no more
Then again
what a life, oh
My god who u fooling now?
Bitch, get a life
And don't be like me
Sitting in the place
Where you don't wanna be right now
There's no rhymes like dimes
Cry of freedom sounds like crimes
My struggles sound like bitching
I used to be religious
Even stopped celebrating christmas,
Even started talking to some bitches
Just to remind who is "pass"
No girl to smash
What the world i'm living
My actions might be unforgiving
But next what i'll do is disappear
Gonna tell you this: i'm not here
Prolly sitting in my house, full of fear
No fear of God? Kafeer
Life experiences, don't hear
Listen
I think
That dreams not as good as it really seems
There's no good life when you at yo teens
Hoe-type
Hood-type life if u see
That's what a life like baby, se la vi'
Sometimes i might be obnoxious
Don't know if i should be sorry
That's my lifetime called "process"
Anxiety, depression and worries
Gifted, but got zero trophies
Lifted myself for being "chaotic"
But tilting again, sad story
Wait, there's funny one, my OG
3 communities shitting each other
But they know
They're associated
One comes from another
But got some other moves
That's why they're being hated
I've been in 2 of 'em
Always the odd ones out
Making other shit
And made a conclusion
Fuck it, i'm Dummy Fred, not intelligent
These bitches mocking their idols
While sounding like "best Jung Caido"
Just being here for the fame
Hate a label of hypocrisy and double
and double
game
ugh
Stop
That's not a thing u should be talking about
Stop
Until u get caught and
Get some fist in your mouth
You a coward
You a bitch
Know damn well you are no better
Whatever
Bitchin' around
"rapper this, rapper that",
Like you know how to rap
Rhymed "now" with "now"
Half of drafts full of crap
Gonna disappear? take a nap
Take a rest for a life
Or better take a knife
Shit
Im so disgusted.
Mind's full of lust.
Gained no trust to myself
And pain in my heart
So lonely it can feel
That breaking apart
Felt so real
Searching help
but hey, my therapist said
"search more good in you"
"find some attraction and proof"
"that you're not ugly and fool"
Maybe i'm good and cool
Or i'm just lying to myself
'cus i spent a lot of wealth
On her therapies, well
She also said it's good
To not be like everyone
Be loved by yourself, not fond
Some criticizing, couple puns
Well, maybe there's something good
Maybe there's something good in me
Fuck that
Imma fucking trash
Lemme tell you 'bout my thoughts from scratch
How i fuck Farrel in the empty class
Or how i kill all my family members
Bitch i'm so terrible, pretentious
Not exaggerating
Matter fact,
Wanna fuck Safina
I told that since when i've seen her
Word for word, bitch
"Wanna fuck you hard"
Imma sinner and fucking retard
You'd say that i'm just puberty shit
Then explain my consciousness, lil' bitch
I knew what i was doing
Seeked attention from traumatized
Motherfucker, where were my eyes?
Was i gone or mesmerized?
I should be friends with the guys
That have fucking flies in their mind
Everyday and every night
I'm seeking reason for overthinking
So damn lost, i stopped blinking
Stop thinking, dumbhead
Remember whatchu said to Farrel, dumbhead?
Remember how you fell down as a man
And you thinking that's the best you can
Better than best friend in disguise
Is fucking ruin yourself in her eyes
So tired of my mind
Thought that i did it right
Couldn't even fucking figure it out
You're such a fucking failure, Firdaus
So that's all my days went
That's how i'm living
Wake up with no repent
Everyday is sinning
Life's hard when devil's winning
Hentai in a recent search
Watching photos of your friends, you jerk?
I tried some therapy, ya heard?
Feel like putting my face in a dirt
Always feel like i'm wasting my time
I'm not sure if i can rap this line
But that deep-deep feeling
Is eating me from within
So let that elephant out
And let that blue whale in
I speak so toxic to the people
Regret that have 'bility to speak
Cus i'm going to this ass-academy
Everyday and every week
Their stupidity eating me
I'm dumb here
Bitch u make me weak
When u smartest in the room
Gotta understand that it's time to leave
But no i'm not
I speak a lot about this place
Gonna shut it out
Doing literally everything i want
Except the fucking shoot out
My mental health is no better
Mood is darker
Maybe its 'cus of weather
Winter 2022 again
But it's not "the end?"
It's fucking december
Cold-hearted dummy
Doing cold-blooding shit
In the coldness
My recent actions telling
You're either asshole or heartless
Im both of 'em
If this was a talent i'd say "that shit is tight"
I've fallen into situation
Where can't tell if i'm doing right
I'm full of fright
I'm writing this in the midnight.
Can't find an inch of love to myself
No matter how i try
I won't cry
I don't cry
I can't cry
I just wanna cry
I don't wanna be right
I just want to be not left
I think i did identity theft
Where the old me at?
Where the true, religious me at?
When i was like that
Was i good or was i bad?
Is it true if u do some "bads" and "goods"
You'll be so calm and cool
Put yourself in a scope, it's wisely
Will i return?
Precisely
Will i?
When?
When will be time
I say "bismillah" instead of fucking "blya"s?
When will be time
I just wake up from this dream and walk on real life?
When will be time
I clean the dust from my eyes?
Lies, lies, lies
Everywhere i go
I hear only lies
"half-true", innuendo
Shut the fuck up, that's all the same lies
Bad manners
Double standarts
Mentality is at its worst
Where's my humility
When i was thinking that my country is really cursed
They said
"tell me who's your friend and i'll tell you who you is"
All my friends are non-believers
And Im muslim suffering from duality
Now i'm agnostic
Know-nothing
Most Dummy Fred to do
I tried to cure in drafts volume one
And lie in drafts volume two
Drafts volume three is the truth
Я прочту последнюю страницу
Грусть
Подавленность
Я стараюсь убежать от этих чувств
Но факт разлуки неотвратима
Всё это чувствуется как точка невозврата
Смерть
Винить систему или себя
В этом нет смысла
Тут нет ничьей вины
Разве что
Я
Так привязаться к людям
Называя их друзьями
Любить
Я мог бы быть абсолютным отшельником
Но я хотя бы не почувствую боли расставания
Самая ли это ужасная боль?
I'm so dramatic.