WASHINGTON POST

Get the news, the very latest news,
the news you'll never get from any other source, sir.

The Washington Post is my newspaper
The Washington Post the one to read, the Washington Post is all you need,
The Washington Post is my view shaper,
The Washington Post, The Washington Post,
The Washington Post, the Post, the Post

So if you're after the latest news,
The Washington Post will give you the most,
And if you're craving the latest views,
The Washington Post is the one you need, sir!
So if you are after the latest news,
The Washington Post will give you the most,
And if you're craving the latest views,
The Washington Post is the one to read, sir!

They've got the comics and the crossword puzzles, too
They've got the help wanted pages and want ads there
So if you think you'll ever find a better paper in the world
You better go to church and say a prayer (and say a prayer)
They've got photographers and correspondents too
They've got a big editorial staff as well
So if you think you'll ever find a better paper in the world
My friend then you can always go to Hell,
(you go to hell, you go to hell you go to hell
You go to hell you go to hell then you can always go to hell, sir!
You might be wondering about their op-ed page
And if they'll print what you offer as timeless prose?
Well, it's agreed at least they'll read whatever screed you've scribbled
Right before they tell you,
#147#Stick it up your nose!#148# (yes up your nose, yes up your nose,
Yes up your nose, before they tell you, you can stick it up your nose, sir!
Reporters write their stories down by hand sometimes
They use computers and typewriter keyboards, too
So if you think you'll ever find a better paper anywhere
Then you can stick it up your old wazoo, up your wazoo, Hey!