Overcome with strange euphoria
Guilt. Regret. Emotionally numbed
Yet I am not the victim of my own agony
I deserve what I get
When the actions I make
Don't reflect the words that I speak
Nor the feelings I feel
I don't deserve this life

Deprived of thought
Deprived of feeling
Getting emotionally numbed
I hate myself
For who I am
Yet I can't break this cycle

I lie to myself to make think that I'm right
To hide from my self hatred
But then when I hear myself talk
I wish I'd choke on my words and I'll never wake up

I deserve what I get