I woke up this morning with a bad hangover
And my penis was missing again.
This happens all the time.
It's detachable.

[Background singing begins: "detachable penis" over and over]

This comes in handy a lot of the time.
I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble,
Or I can rent it out, when I don't need it.
But now and then I go to a party, get drunk,

And the next morning I can't for the life of me
Remember what I did with it.
First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it.
So I called up the place where the party was,

They hadn't seen it either.
I asked them to check the medicine cabinet
'Cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes
But not this time.

So I told them if it pops up to let me know.
I called a few people who were at the party,
But they were no help either.
I was starting to get desperate.

I really don't like being without my penis for too long.
It makes me feel like less of a man,
And I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak.
After a few hours of searching the house,

And calling everyone I could think of,
I was starting to get very depressed,
So I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast.
Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place,

Where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street,
I saw my penis lying on a blanket
Next to a broken toaster oven.
Some guy was selling it.

I had to buy it off him.
He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen.
I took it home, washed it off,
And put it back on. I was happy again. Complete.

People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached,
But I don't know.
Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass,
I like having a detachable penis.

[Background voices continue to sing "detachable penis"]