I hung on to Mary's stump
I danced with a soldier's glee
With a rum-soaked crook and a big fat laugh
I spent my last dollar on thee
I saw Bill Bones, gave him a yell
Kehoe spiked the nog
With a chain-link fence and a scrap-iron jaw
Cookin' up a Filipino Box Spring Hog
Cookin' up a Filipino Box Spring Hog
Cookin' up a Filipino Box Spring Hog

Spider rolled in from Hollister Burn
On a one-eyed stolen mare
Donned himself with chicken fat
Sawin' on a jawbone violin there
Kathleen was sittin' down in Little Red Recovery Room
In her criminal underwear bra
I was naked to the waist with my fierce black hound
And I'm cookin' up a Filipino Box Spring Hog
Cookin' up a Filipino Box Spring Hog
Cookin' up a Filipino Box Spring Hog

Dig a big pit in a dirt alley road
Fill it with madrone and bay
Stinks like hell and the neighbors complain
Don't give a hoot what they say
Gotta slap that hog
Roll em over twice
Gotta baste him with a sweeping broom
You gotta swat them flies and chain up the dogs
Cookin' up a Filipino Box Spring Hog
Cookin' up a Filipino Box Spring Hog
Cookin' up a Filipino Box Spring Hog

Rattlesnake piccata with grapes and figs
Old brown Betty with a yellow wig
Tain't the mince meat filagree
And it ain't the turkey-neck stew
And it ain't them bruleed okra seeds
Though she made them especially for you
Worse won a prize for her bottom black pie
The beans got thrown to the dogs

Jaheseus Christ, I can always make room
Cookin' up a Filipino Box Spring Hog
Cookin' up a Filipino Box Spring Hog
Cookin' up a Filipino Box Spring Hog
Cookin' up a Filipino Box Spring Hog
(Cookin' up a Filipino Box Spring Hog, cookin' up a Filipino Box Spring Hog)