He's an old altar boy
Lying out there in the street
He's an old altar
Bound up in leather and chains
And that's why I'm feeling so blue
I'm an old altar boy
What about you?

Now, I can order in Latin
Make it, "Au gratin, Joe"
I'm an old altar boy
That's why I'm so depressed
I never got the rest of the dream
Just the ritual, now I'm habitual
Majoring in crimes that are
Unspeakable, because I'm an old
Altar boy, that's what happened to me

I'm an old altar boy he's hoping
He can meet a woman dressed
Like a nun, he knows there's got to
Be some around here, drinking across
From the church a little Father Cribari wine
On a Sunday morn time

I'm an old altar boy
Why is he winking at this time
Of his life, he never took a wife
He's an old altar boy
What about you?